You are not alone. We are not alone.

 To: all the lonely heart in the room, the 'freaks', the outsiders, the overachievers, the empaths, the care-givers, the lovers, and everyone else that has every felt the weight of the world, and didn't know if they could climb out.

I can't remember the act specifically, most likely it's piled in the back of my brain, in the archives, yet, I can recall the aftermath, the wake in which I left behind. I had been self-mutilating for some time, overwhelmed with the darkness of disappointment, of sadness, complete heaviness. This last time was the worst. For some reason, my grandmother from Latvia was in town. The largest heart in the room, always. I recall her sitting in my bed with me and all she said was, 'you are loved, you are not alone'. Words, at that time as an angsty teenager, could have been brushed aside, or taken for granted, but the weight of these words had an impact that I probably owe my life to. These words, this phrase, has stuck with me for my entire life, it pulled me out of the fog of pain, out of despair, and comforted me. I'm alive, because of love, and the assurance that I was not alone. Something, when you're at your deepest pit, darkest hour, is a really hard thing to understand, even harder to truly see. Most of the time, other's, are not as lucky to hear these words, and if they are, believing them is a whole other story.

Self-love and worth has been an overarching theme in my writing this past year, let's be honest, the majority of my life. The media pushes this ideal, this idea of perfection. Not only to women, but men as well. Ideas of being 'macho', of a responsibly strong man. Or a delicate woman, slender, sensual, always perfect. These visions, these archetypes, they are destroying us. They are tearing us from the inside out. Leaving behind, in the dust, eating disorders, addictions, and in the worst case senario, suicide; all the dirty little secrets, that we are shunned away from speaking about, because if we do, that means there is something wrong, and that puts our culture, the marketing 'gurus' to blame. We are essentially taught to constantly attack and questions our bodies, our lives, and always be desiring more, the moment we are born. For those of us that are lucky, we are able to re-program our brains, through extensive, and expensive, therapy, neuro-sculpting, Yoga, Tony Robbins, and 12 Step programs. However, for those of us that are not so lucky, we self-deprecate, we self-destruct, we limit, to the point, where, maybe we end our lives. For whatever reason, we believe that no longer existing in our body is less painful than being alive. That the weight of the world, is just too much on our shoulders.

If I could talk to every soul, contemplating their lives, I would stress that it does get better. The darkness is scary, but the good news is, there are others in the darkness as well. The more people who admit this, the healthier it'll be for the masses to admit our faults, our depression, our additions, our trauma. We will begin to realize that we are not the odd man/woman out, yet we are just like the person riding next to us on the subway, the person on the other end of the phone, the person we look up to, because they 'have it together'. Yes, the act of self love, is perhaps one of the bravest things we could do. But what's even braver, is acknowledging what those around us are going through. Never assuming, not trying to fix, yet, to ask questions, and to truly see. The easiest thing to do, is to judge, is to assume that your friend will 'be ok'. If you see something, the bravest thing you could do is to say something.

There are too many good souls in this world that don't believe they are worthy of the love that resides within all of us. It's our job, to be there, to listen, to share, and to act, when it's needed. Be love. Share love. Spread love. That's all we can do. Imagine how many hearts we could spark, and lives we could inspire,  just by banding together, and admitting that life isn't always ok, and that's just fine. What could we inspire, by being honest, by being bold, and never, rushing to judge.

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu