the dawn of seperateness

As I find myself, a full 24 hours with my phone turned off, not wanting to press the flat, rectangular power button on, I am flooded with emotion, what if I just left it off?

I don't think any of us realize how tied we are to our technological devices, unless we've truly taken the time to study our relationship with it, and consciously decided to 'take space'; much like we do from the human relationships we're not sure are serving us any longer. In early December, I decided it was time for something to change, I needed a shift in awareness, I desired a better relationship with my phone, I wanted to be free.

I, like I'm sure many of you, was noticing my short-term memory was becoming non-existent, I couldn't hold onto something for longer than two minutes, I was forgetting appointments and meetings that I didn't put in my iCal, avoiding 'awkward' elevator connection by pulling out my phone and keeping my eyes down, pulling my phone out while in line at the coffee shop, unable to spare five empty minutes to my thoughts, let's not even discuss time spent in the bathroom scrolling Instagram.

After a day at the Metropolitan Museum at Art, my brain was firing, active, from all of the beautiful masterpieces from the centuries. My mini re-set was filling up all the spaces I needed it to, I was feeling connected to love, to desire, to beauty. I have a museum rule for myself, that I'm only allowed to pick up my phone for pictures, if I really really need to. As my museum trip was ending, I was starting to feel the nagging strings of anxiety build, that I was going to have to become available to the world, again.

What is it about being unreachable, or offline, that makes us feel uncomfortable and sends us into an uncontrollable panic? Why is it common life (and definitely work) practice to be on 24/7, like a 7 Eleven? I was beyond tired...aren't you?

I remember that sweet sound of the dial up modem, the drop of an empty phone line, and the pre-programmed 1-800 numbers, with the familiar screech, letting me know I'd be connecting to others through out of space. And then...the glorious sound of....'WELCOME', as your AOL homepage was lit up and glorious. It was as if she missed you. There was no panic of un-replied emails, or matters of urgency, that didn't happen through the internet in those days, because you couldn't assume everyone had it. That exhilarating feeling of an email, or two, waiting for me, when I signed on in the morning, or after school, the excitement that someone actually wanted to send me a message. It was intentional, I was aware, you had to be, mostly, because you were paying by the minute back then (thank you mom, for paying all those overage charges on the extra phone line).

Our lives weren't all consumed by data, that we could access immediately at the tips of our fingers. We were having authentic conversations, going outside, creating stories, going to see live music, enjoying meals with our friends, and most importantly, moving through our life fluidly, because we had to.

 As I was about to depart the museum and pick up my coat, I took my traditional trip to the gift shop and sifted through all the beautiful books about History. Books are my addiction, I love touching them, connecting to them, and most importantly immersing myself in all the stories, data, and truths. As it was right before Christmas, I was being super mindful in the money I spent on myself, trust me, I could go to town at the Met bookstore, but there was a book that stood out to me immediately, and I knew, I needed it today. 'How to Break Up with Your Phone'. Seems so silly, right? But me, I was ready. I was treating my phone the way I treated boys in my 20's, I relied on it to fill me up, create static so I couldn't feel, and distracted me from my real potential, I knew it was time to end it.

And here we are today. I've done things like download a tracking app of how much I use my phone and PICK IT UP (want to feel disgusted by your phone habits, download one of those), deleted social media from my device, paid attention to the triggers which make me desire to pick up my phone, made my bedroom a no cell phone area, and most recently, lived 24 hours with my phone turned OFF.

I am not 'healed' by any means and I am no better than anyone else for doing this. I did discover that it is time to get back into therapy, as 24 hours without a device makes you really confront every emotion you have inside, I also learned, even more, that humans today are so afraid to connect in person and look at the sameness in one another, through our eyes and hearts. And that scares me. The moment we forget that I am you and you are me, results in a dark separateness. I think we can all agree that the signs are ever present, of this separateness, and no one but us can begin to shift the consciousness of the world. To stand up for those being marginalized, to speak up for what's wrong or right, to get off of our technology and become obsessed with our real life lives again.

It starts with you and I, my friend.

So, what are you willing to do, to start weaving humanity back together?

What small things can you do every day to welcome a stranger into your life, to let them know they are not alone? It starts right here.